Top Jokes Blog

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." 3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. 4. Cry out in surprise,"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from. 5. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. He went to tell Edna the news. He said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his belt in the bathroom right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself; I put him there to dry. How soon can

So, there once was a millionaire from the middle-east, who was very, very stubborn. He was walking through town with his son, little Bob. They passed a store, and little Bob says:"Daddy, daddy! can I buy one of those hats?" -"No" said the man, "we dont have any money to spend son". So, with a bit of dissapointment, he understood, and they kept on walking. Then, they passed a toy store, and the same thing happened. But little Bob knew that his father loved flying. So when he saw a sign that read:"Airplane Rides", he asked his father. The man hessitated at first, but then he agreed on one condition: If it wasnt too expensive. So they got on the plane, and when they were already airborne, he asked the pilot:"How much is the ride?" -"One thousand dollars" said the pilot. "WHAT?!?!?"-said the man. Alarmed by the man's reaction, the pilot made a deal with the man:"If you or your son stay quiet, not making a sound,

Moral of the picture: Friends may not be able to pull you up... BUT they will still think of ways not to let you fall... If we are infringing any copyright issues by posing this image here please post your comments here with an ownership proof and we will remove it.

1. If all the nations in the world are in debt (am not joking. Even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird) 2. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought) 3. What is the speed of darkness? (absurd) 4. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking) 5. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows) 6. Can you cry under water? (let me try) 7. Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (I think they meant something else) 8. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows) 9. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell) 10. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes) 11. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stay and watch) 12. What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed) 13. If corn oil is made

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. Federal Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. Adam and Eve virus: Tak

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

0 - Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet. 1 - Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being. 2 - Lager warming up head. Pretzles are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse. 3 - Crossword in newspaper is filled in. After a while blanks are filled with random letters and numbers. 4 - Barmaid complimented on choice of bra. Partially visible when bending to get packets of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bras. Order half a dozen packets of pretzles one by one. 5 - Have brilliant discussion with guy on the next bar stool. Devise fool-proof scheme for wining lottery, sort out Denver Broncos defense problems. 6 - Feel like a Demi-God. Map out rest of life on cocktail napkin. Realize that everybody loves you. Call parents and tell them you love them. Call girlfriend to tell her you love her and she still has an amazing ass. 7 - Send drinks over to woman sitting at table with boyfriend. No reaction. Scribble out message of love on five cockta

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."