Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from September 24, 2006

Creation

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Words

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper: "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " and left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Last Chapter of Harry Potter: The Lost and Last Horcrux

Harry felt Ron and Hermione drop motionless and stupefied in his back. "Ron, Hermione are you..." Harry sat beside them with his wand clutched tightly in his hand, litting brightly on the tip. "Welcome, Harry!" a voice echoed in the dark of the Godrics Hollow. Harry turned to his back and tried to find the source of the voice. "Lumous", again echoed the voice. A wand, in the middle of the hall litted on the tip. A white scull and icy expressional face was now clearly visible. "Remember this place, Harry!” said Voldemort, "Your Father was dead on the place where you are now standing. I killed him and walked over him to get you." "You will die... I will kill you." Harry yelled. "You can never kill me Harry!" laughed Voldemort. "You will never know the secret. I am immortal." "I destroyed five of your Horcruxes." Sneered Harry. "...and you come here in search of the sixth" snapped Voldemort. ...

Buy a Dog

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section Buy a dog. If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you Buy a dog. If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it Buy a dog If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want Buy a dog. If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies Buy a dog. If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores Buy a dog. If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually Buy a dog. But, on the...