Top Jokes Blog

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor. COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away... TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow car...

Three men - an American, a Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The other men looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager" the American said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished his conversation, he explained: "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The Irishman felt decidedly low tech, but was determined not to be outdone. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a long piece of toilet paper trailing from his backside. The others raised their eyebrows at him. The Irishman glanced around and said: "Bejesus! Wouldja look at dat!! I'm gettin' a fax!"

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk... a) Innovative b) Preliminary c) Proliferation d) Cinnamon ____________________________________________________ Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk... a) Specificity b) British Constitution c) Passive-aggressive disorder d) Transubstantiate ____________________________________________________ Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk... a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you. b) Nope, no more booze for me. c) Sorry, but you're not really my type. d) No kebab for me, thank you. e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight? f) I'm not interested in fighting you. g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing. h) Thanks, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool. i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street. j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts" She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts." "That's it!" She blows her top, "You Ba****d! You waltz in here, flop your fat a** down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?" The husband sighed. "Oh shit, it started!”

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officers says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street, in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5000, and the interest, which is $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5000?" The blonde replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for $15...

Read this letter to Bill Gates… Note: The name “John Charlie” and the letter are purely fictional… Dear Bill Gates, This letter is from John Charlie from New York. We have got a computer in our home and we face some Problem, which I want to bring to your notice. After connecting to Internet we planned to open an email account. But when ever we fill the Form of Hotmail, in password field only * comes. But in rest of the fields whatever we typed comes but we faced the problem only in Password field. We checked with Hardware vendor and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we have opened the email account with password *****. But I request u to check this as we our self don't know what is the password!!! The next one is that we are unable to enter anything after we shut down the computer. There is a button for start but not for pause, stop as in stereo recorder. We request you to add the same in future. There is an option as RUN in menu. This one of my neighbor...