Top Jokes Blog

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. I was born intelligent - education ruined me. Practice makes perfect.... But nobody's perfect...... so why practice? If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. One should love animals. They are so tasty. Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. The wise never marry. and when they marry they become otherwise. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. "Your future depend s on your dreams" So go to sleep There ...

1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates. ( He was caught cheating on a test). 2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability. (The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes ). 3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact With fiction. (He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met). 4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her. (The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term). 5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination. (The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away). 6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers. (Your son needs to stop socializing and start working). 7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions. (Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment, she creates a class argument). 8. John enj...

This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida........and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the firstplace. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It s**ked. AVAILABLE TO WORK: Of course! That's what I'm applying. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday,Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimat...