Top Jokes Blog

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.It's only $100. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$15000" MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $25000" MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $20000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It r...

One day, a Chinese walked into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushed over to him, and asked for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gave him a slap and said, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here". The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gave Spielberg a slap and said, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship". Shocked, Spielberg replied, "It was the iceberg that sank the Ship, not me". The Chinese replied, " Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same! "

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. - Sydney One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn - Japan One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator... - Boston Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror - New York Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat - Italy One hand on the horn, One hand on the gear, One ear listening to loud music, One ear on cell phone, One foot on the accelerator, One foot on the clutch, Nothing on the break, ...Welcome to INDIA !

Its soooooooooooooooo funny ! 1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends... Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here? Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here.. 2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet... Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt? Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again. 3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask... Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people. Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you? 4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:- Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good?? Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it. 5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years... Stupid Question:- Tom, Hary, you've become so big. Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself. 6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask.....

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the huamn mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!

1. Grab a calculator (You won't be able to do this one in your head) 2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code) 3. Multiply by 80 4. Add 1 5. Multiply by 250 6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number 7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again 8. Subtract 250 9. Divide number by 2

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other. Etc.: A sign to make others believe,you know more than you actually do. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and a woman gains her master's. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feelingyou have never felt before. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. Dictio...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated , "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments , General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart...

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter. Letter 1 Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Bobby Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the le...

Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ? Husband : Nothing. Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date. ______________________________________________________ Wife : Do you want dinner? Husband : Sure, what are my choices? Wife : Yes and no. ______________________________________________________ Man : How old is your father? Boy : As old as me. Man : How can that be? Boy : He became a father only when I was born. ______________________________________________________ Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field" Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field Teacher : How? Student : Ladies first. ______________________________________________________ Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time? Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will. Customer : I bet you, it won't. Post Master : Why not? Customer : It's add...

Year 1981 1. Prince Charles got married 2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe 3. Australia lost the Ashes 4. Pope Died Year 2005 1. Prince Charles got married 2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe 3. Australia lost the Ashes 4. Pope Died In future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry and Liverpool wins another European crown.... someone please warn the Australian cricket side and the Pope! HEHE!

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