We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are "the rules" from the male side. These are "our rules"
Please note they are all numbered "1" on PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You are a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Saturday and Sunday = SPORTS. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. LET IT BE.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. So we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one – subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it.
1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, any and all comments become null and void after 7 hours.
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways – and one of the things makes you sad or angry – we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done – not both. If you already know how best to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials & NEVER in any circumstance during sports programmes.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. This is what we do.
1. If we ask you what is wrong and you say "Nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go out somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!
1. Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, cricket, or motor racing etc.
1. You have enough clothes………..Really you DO!!!
1. You have too many shoes………..but I guess one more pair won't hurt.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, men really don't mind that, it's like camping and it's quiet.
Take my consent…Pass this to as many men as you know – to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you know – to give them an education. Let's all now look to a quieter future. AMEN!!!!!
Please note they are all numbered "1" on PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You are a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Saturday and Sunday = SPORTS. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. LET IT BE.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. So we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one – subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it.
1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, any and all comments become null and void after 7 hours.
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways – and one of the things makes you sad or angry – we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done – not both. If you already know how best to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials & NEVER in any circumstance during sports programmes.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. This is what we do.
1. If we ask you what is wrong and you say "Nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go out somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!
1. Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, cricket, or motor racing etc.
1. You have enough clothes………..Really you DO!!!
1. You have too many shoes………..but I guess one more pair won't hurt.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, men really don't mind that, it's like camping and it's quiet.
Take my consent…Pass this to as many men as you know – to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you know – to give them an education. Let's all now look to a quieter future. AMEN!!!!!